Educating in love
Loving without knowing how to love wounds the person we love. To know how to love someone, we need to understand them. To understand them, we have to listen.
Thich Nhat Hahn
Educating in Love: From Dream to Practice
At the age of nine, a moment of inspiration set me on a path to becoming an educator. I felt, rather than knew, that something was wrong with education—both at home and at school. Reading Little Men by Louisa May Alcott showed me what was possible: Plumfield Estate School, where children were treated with respect and affection, where teachers understood that students were children and allowed them to be so.
Although I was already called to heal (my desire to become a doctor goes as far back as I can recall), I promised myself that one day I would create a different kind of school. It took me thirty-four years to gather enough faith in myself to dare.
The school came together thanks to the selfless dedication of the members of our Fundación para el Desarrollo del Joven (Fundeijoven), created in 1991, and the support of Margot de Pellegrino, founder of the Fundación para la Actualización de la Educación (FACE) in Bogotá. Our Carpe Diem school in Cartagena (1991-2001) became the laboratory where I could test what I had learned working with youth in marginalized communities—and where I discovered that educating in love was not just possible, but transformative.
What I’ve Learned
At Carpe Diem, we created an environment with zero tolerance for any form of violence. Children were never coerced into studying out of fear of failing tests or grades. Students evaluated themselves according to objectives they had previously set. Teachers learned to avoid labeling children, understanding the negative impact labels had on the formation of identity.
We discovered that student-centered education that respects each individual’s pace and interests renders positive outcomes. Instead of memorizing, children learned to ask questions, formulate hypotheses, and search for answers. This stimulated their critical thinking and mathematical skills.
British academic Steven Wheeler says, “Pedagogy is leading people to a place where they can learn for themselves.” But it doesn’t always work that way. In many cases, education fosters dependency.
We implemented a learning process in which children could access information sources, acquire skills to process data, and find practical ways to apply it to reality. Our pedagogical innovation was intent on eliminating fear. It aimed at becoming a model for educating in love.
Fear is a strong motivator—it leads you to do whatever prevents pain. It works as an external emotional regulator. But educating in love involves applying empathy in the educational process. It leads to self-soothing, to introspection, to the strengthening of bonds.
The Outcome
Some children came to Carpe Diem after experiencing difficulties in other schools. Most had lost motivation for learning and felt frustrated. Some had trouble socializing in highly competitive environments where they had experienced bullying. Often, unrealistic parental expectations seemed to be at the root of the children’s struggles.
In our experience, an institution concerned more with academics or achievement than with the student’s process runs the risk of neglecting the emotional development of the child in all its different components: affect, safety, the ability to be assertive, socialization, and the management of sexuality.
Our small-scale experiment demonstrated that educating in love is viable. FACE, the foundation that supported us, continues to grow thirty-five years later, with schools in Bogotá, Cúcuta, Armenia, Santa Marta, and Villavicencio. The model works.
This experience became the foundation for everything I now teach about Heartminding—because the principles that transform education are the same principles that transform parenting.